A = Adult — Awareness — Appreciation
B = Breathe (into Belly) — Be
C = Connect — Compassion (between you and others OR you with yourself)
ABC = P (PRESENCE)
Appreciate anything through your five senses; or physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. The space of appreciation is all you're shooting for.
When you're in your own PRESENCE (meaning you're in touch with the moment or your ESSENCE-SOURCE-SPIRIT-MAGNIFICENCE-VAST SPACIOUS SELF) you can help your beloved from the constraints of his/her personality. This can ONLY happen when you get out of your own reptilian old brain, your unconsciousness, ego fixation, toddler self, suffering, disconnection and/or conditioned positioning in the past or future. When you're here, your beloved can connect, be present and get herself/himself here.
You can promise your beloved that you will help get yourself out of your own reptilian brain (Enneagram Type, ego fixation) to be able to help connect to your beloved. You have to OWN WHAT OWNS YOU. As a team, you're connected and able to be in love rather than fear. In your ego fixation, you are in fear or threat rather than love. This is the purpose of the ego: disconnect to survive because connection is dangerous - you could get hurt or abandoned.
Your style (your reptilian brain response) of reacting to any kind of threat in the environment might be to flee, fight or freeze. If you notice you're doing this, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to rescue yourself through ABC and get yourself back into connection through generating PRESENCE. If your beloved sees you're gone (into fear), it is their responsibility (out of their commitment to keeping you safe and secure) to get you back through love, connection, PRESENCE.
The non-reactivated person is responsible to reduce the reactivated person simply out of her/his commitment to be protective and nurturing. Otherwise, provoking more conflict/distance is only another level of disconnection and abandonment caused by the unconscious automatic behavior causing you to be right smack in the middle of your personality:
Emotional Types
Mind Types
Body Types
The BUBBLE
When we are committed to staying securely attached — in the couple bubble — we vow to help each other move out of the grips of fear (which manifests as a variety of constrictive emotions), rather than cause it.
Basically, this is the very nature of the couple bubble: to stay out of personality and in presence. It is designed by agreements and kept in place by commitment and integrity. This nearly always is the way of being that you maintained during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Remember when your beloved's well being and mood-physical/emotional state was of utmost importance to you and you would extend yourself to care for him/her? At that point, you were in the bubble!
Using ABC is also helpful with yourself, on your own, and before/during/while you're reactivated to self-regulate. Of course ABC is useful to co-regulate. However, the better you get at self-regulating, the faster and better you are at co-regulating. Practice, practice, practice.
B = Breathe (into Belly) — Be
C = Connect — Compassion (between you and others OR you with yourself)
ABC = P (PRESENCE)
Appreciate anything through your five senses; or physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. The space of appreciation is all you're shooting for.
When you're in your own PRESENCE (meaning you're in touch with the moment or your ESSENCE-SOURCE-SPIRIT-MAGNIFICENCE-VAST SPACIOUS SELF) you can help your beloved from the constraints of his/her personality. This can ONLY happen when you get out of your own reptilian old brain, your unconsciousness, ego fixation, toddler self, suffering, disconnection and/or conditioned positioning in the past or future. When you're here, your beloved can connect, be present and get herself/himself here.
You can promise your beloved that you will help get yourself out of your own reptilian brain (Enneagram Type, ego fixation) to be able to help connect to your beloved. You have to OWN WHAT OWNS YOU. As a team, you're connected and able to be in love rather than fear. In your ego fixation, you are in fear or threat rather than love. This is the purpose of the ego: disconnect to survive because connection is dangerous - you could get hurt or abandoned.
Your style (your reptilian brain response) of reacting to any kind of threat in the environment might be to flee, fight or freeze. If you notice you're doing this, it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to rescue yourself through ABC and get yourself back into connection through generating PRESENCE. If your beloved sees you're gone (into fear), it is their responsibility (out of their commitment to keeping you safe and secure) to get you back through love, connection, PRESENCE.
The non-reactivated person is responsible to reduce the reactivated person simply out of her/his commitment to be protective and nurturing. Otherwise, provoking more conflict/distance is only another level of disconnection and abandonment caused by the unconscious automatic behavior causing you to be right smack in the middle of your personality:
Emotional Types
- Emotionally manipulative/self-sacrificing/overly care taking (#2)
- Insecurely performing/artificially fabricating superiority/deceitful (#3)
- Overly sensitive/requiring special treatment/over-dramatizing (#4)
Mind Types
- Appearing smarter/non-emotional/more logical (#5)
- Obstinately mistrusting /self-protective/catastrophically pessimistic (#6)
- Emotionally aloof/hedonistically escapist/preoccupied with distraction (#7)
Body Types
- Denying vulnerability/overtly aggressive/commanding dominance (#8)
- Feigning calm/avoiding conflict/emotionally controlling to keep the peace (#9)
- Self-righteous/positioning to appear more morally correct/self-constraining (#1)
The BUBBLE
When we are committed to staying securely attached — in the couple bubble — we vow to help each other move out of the grips of fear (which manifests as a variety of constrictive emotions), rather than cause it.
Basically, this is the very nature of the couple bubble: to stay out of personality and in presence. It is designed by agreements and kept in place by commitment and integrity. This nearly always is the way of being that you maintained during the honeymoon phase of your relationship. Remember when your beloved's well being and mood-physical/emotional state was of utmost importance to you and you would extend yourself to care for him/her? At that point, you were in the bubble!
Using ABC is also helpful with yourself, on your own, and before/during/while you're reactivated to self-regulate. Of course ABC is useful to co-regulate. However, the better you get at self-regulating, the faster and better you are at co-regulating. Practice, practice, practice.
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